The Bright Side Brigade Page 4

  The panic had already set in and Alvin could practically see the breakdown coming. Instead of allowing it, he grabbed Javon by the shoulders and gave him a gentle shake. “Tracy would NEVER do that to you! Do you hear me? He would never let race, religion or ANYTHING stop him from being with someone he loved. And he certainly wouldn't tell you he loved you if he thought being an interracial couple was impossible.”

  A soft hand landed on his arm and he flinched, looking up to find Kenichi staring at him with gentle, understanding eyes, while Javon looked terrified.

  “Perhaps shouting at your brother isn't the best way to deal with this?” Kenichi suggested, with a quirk of a smile that, even now, he couldn't help but find ridiculously attractive. Then, turning to Javon, he flashed a full grown, genuine smile. “Although your brother is no doubt right about this, I have to ask if you let Tracy explain before running off? I sense that Alvin has always been your protector and told you to run when you're afraid, but love is terrifying. You can't always run from it or there might not be anything to go back to, if or when you change your mind,” he advised.

  Alvin's mouth dropped open. He could have sworn that, if it wasn't for the natural laws of the human body, his jaw would be on the ground right now, in utter shock.

  Who knew that a guy could be that good looking, kiss so incredibly and still be smart and articulate? It wasn't fair.

  “Javon?”

  Alvin startled as he heard Tracy's quiet voice. He appeared around the corner slowly, rubbing the inside of his left wrist, the way he always did when he was nervous or afraid. Looking at him and then back at Javon, he wanted to bang his head against the wall at the drama surrounding him.

  “Come on.” Kenichi's hand touched his and drew his attention to a sweet smile. “Let's nip off somewhere for a bit. Looks like those two have some talking to do, anyway.” He didn't wait for Alvin to answer. The moment his fingers closed around Kenichi's, he walked off without a word.

  When Alvin glanced back, Javon and Tracy were too busy stealing their make out spot to notice. “Huh.” He laughed and shook his head as he focused more on where he was going than what was behind him. “You know, I don't like my spot being stolen. Especially by my own brother. What the hell has gotten into them? I'm supposed to be the weird, reckless, unpredictable one,” he argued, not sure what to make of this new development.

  He was so disorientated by the prospect of his best friend back there snogging his brother that he barely noticed where they were going, until Kenichi stopped at a wooden bench beneath a tree.

  “If it's any consolation, we were making out before them. Surely it's at least a little reckless and unpredictable for him to walk in on you snogging a complete stranger,” Kenichi suggested, with a twinkle in his dark eyes that said he was enjoying this.

  Alvin watched him closely, but there was no point. He could no more decipher Kenichi than he could his own friends and brother. “You're not helping.” He sank onto the bench beside him and allowed the arm that lifted over his shoulders.

  “No, I don't suppose I am.” Kenichi laughed and tried to hide it, in vain, in Alvin's neck. “But, I guess it wouldn't help to admit that I've never actually done this before. I mean, I'm nineteen, so I've had plenty of make out sessions and boyfriends, but I've never actually kissed anyone I didn't know before,” he explained. His words would have been startling to hear, if it wasn't for the gentle kiss he then placed beneath Alvin's earlobe.

  A follow up grazed the bare skin one inch lower.

  “You're nineteen?” he asked, though that wasn't what he'd planned to say.

  Kenichi simply hummed in the positive.

  “I, uh...I'm only sixteen.” Alvin had no idea why he chose to admit that or why he sounded scared, but it didn't act as the warning it was apparently supposed to be.

  Kenichi just laughed again and nipped his skin, right over his fast beating pulse. The tender bite was surprising, but the fact that it made his toes curl in his trainers was also pretty disconcerting.

  No one had ever made him feel like this before.

  “And I straddle the androromantic, asexual line,” Kenichi whispered by his ear. “You're pretty safe with me. I may be completely and totally attracted to your masculinity, but I have a very low sexual attraction to anyone. Even you,” he explained.

  Surprisingly, that made Alvin feel better. He'd gone through the whole LGBTTQQIAAP spectrum with Javon, to help him understand why he was only attracted to Tracy and couldn't find any feelings – sexual or otherwise – for anyone else. Discovering he was more panromantic than outright gay had helped him figure some stuff out. It hadn't helped Alvin, who was quite happy to keep the term 'gay' as his own identifier.

  A second nip on his neck surprised him and forced the words from his mouth, “So, if that's the case, why does it feel like you're ready to eat me alive?”

  Kenichi pulled away, laughing loud and free. “Sorry.” He had the grace to blush, before brushing his thumb along Alvin's cheekbone. “I'll admit; you're so beautiful, in a masculine way that I never see on someone our age, that you're totally irresistible. I can't help myself,” he apologised.

  Alvin ducked in and stole another kiss. “I kind of feel the same. You're just so...more than anyone else. More beautiful, more incredible, more...everything!” He knew he was talking rubbish, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't seem to convince himself to stop until he ran out of words.

  This time, instead of laughing, Kenichi's lips twitched into a smile that he could only describe as seductive. “Yeah.” He kissed Alvin one more time, then reached down and interlocked their fingers. “Tell me about your friends. And your brother. I might never see you again, but I'd like to at least walk away pretending we knew each other. Even for a little while,” he admitted.

  The idea was both horrible and beautiful. Alvin didn't want to lose this giddy, excited feeling he had or acknowledge that he'd never get to look at Kenichi's stunning face again. But he couldn't quite agree to walk away cold, either. It would be so much nicer to look back on this night and have a personality to attach to the name of his first kiss.

  Just like he'd told Javon to, he wanted tonight to be special. And memorable.

  Without delaying any longer, Alvin began talking freely of his lifelong friendship with the misfits he called friends. He spoke of Javon and why tonight was so important to them, without going into too many personal details that might make Kenichi feel there were expectations to be met.

  As the hours dragged on, Kenichi returned the quirky, intimate stories that were neither too informative nor deep as to give too much away, but with enough heart that Alvin really began to see the personality within.

  Chapter 6

  “I'm so sorry!” Javon rushed the words out, before Tracy could speak. Until Alvin's new friend Kenichi mentioned his rash decision to run, he hadn't once thought that Tracy would ever say anything other than 'it won't work' or 'goodbye'. Now, he felt like a fool for not giving Tracy the trust or the chance he deserved to be heard.

  For a stranger, Kenichi was right.

  Before he could say anything else, Tracy kissed him with the same urgent passion as their first kiss. It stunned him so much that Javon backed into the ticket booth, to keep himself upright. After just a moment more, Tracy broke away and cupped his face in both hands.

  “I'm the one who should be sorry,” he insisted, shaking his head. “I realised, after you left, how you'd taken my words. I was just shocked. I mean, I hoped you'd never have to ask me that kind of question, but I don't blame you. I've been a royal ass and wrong about everything!” he argued, as if any of that were true.

  “No.” Javon gripped Tracy's wrists and tried to explain. “I was wrong. I shouldn't have run away. I should have trusted you enough to never ask, or at least to answer me in time. I just...Alvin always said to run if I was scared and...no one could hurt me more than if you said you didn't want me,” he confessed, his voice trailing off and growing smaller the more he said.
He sounded like a pleading child, begging Tracy to still be his friend. As humiliating as it was, he didn't regret it. Not anymore.

  Alvin was right about one thing; in three weeks, they'd be gone from the sleepy town they loved and who knew if the distance would strengthen or weaken their friendships with the people they'd known their entire lives. If he was ever to find out the truth about how Tracy felt about him, it had to be now. Tonight.

  “There's just one thing I have to ask,” Javon said, trying to be strong and brace himself for the inevitable answer, “do you really want Digby?”

  Deflating right before his eyes, Tracy sank forward to rest his forehead against Javon's chest. “I did,” he whispered. “For a really long time, I couldn't even look at another guy and not think about how much I'd rather be with you. But, I've always been scared to admit it, because I didn't want to pit you against Alvin. I was sure he wouldn't approve,” he continued, grasping the loose t-shirt at his waist.

  “I've been scared of a lot of things, Javon. Some that are ridiculous and some that aren't,” he carried on, sounding just as scared as Javon felt, right now. “I'm scared that I'm too femme for you. That I'm too flamboyant and you only put up with me because I'm Alvin's best friend. That you'd only ever see me as a surrogate brother and never as anything more,” he said.

  Then, with a shaky breath, he said the one thing Javon had been afraid of. “That starting something, as an interracial couple, would make your life a living hell, even though we have every right to be together, regardless of what people think or say. I know it shouldn't matter, but I don't want to be a burden for you. I don't want you to have to keep justifying why we're together or wondering if it would be easier to give up on us.”

  Tracy lifted his head and met his gaze, sadness written all over his face. “I never want you to second guess whether it's safe to hold my hand or kiss me in public. And I really don't want to see you turn to me, when someone asks who I am to you, and hear you say that I'm just your friend.”

  Javon couldn't help himself. Tracy had just voiced all of his fears; things that he'd been afraid that Tracy would think or feel or do. If they were both scared of the same things, surely that meant it would be okay? Because, if they were afraid the other one would do it, they would make sure to never do it themselves?

  Maybe that was his hormones talking or the years of hope he'd secretly harboured. The illicit dreams and thoughts he'd kept hidden from everyone else, where he dreamt of the impossible moment Tracy would fall head over heels in love with him.

  If only he'd known it had already happened, they could have avoided all of this.

  Instead of arguing about it, he kissed Tracy slowly, basking in the all-encompassing sensation of being with him. Every part of who he was – his nerves, his blood racing through his veins, his pulse, his skin tingling with every touch, even his senses – opened up to accept everything that Tracy was and appreciate this moment. To stamp it on his heart and memory, so that he'd never forget.

  A long time later, he couldn't quite tell how long, Javon came up for air and rested his forehead against Tracy's. “What does this mean?” he asked, too afraid to believe it could be anything but bad, in case he was wrong.

  “I think it means that I have a really long drive ahead of me, every weekend,” Tracy replied.

  “What?” He pulled back and stared at the guy he'd loved for as long as he'd known what the word meant.

  “Well,” looking up, Tracy flashed a grin and laughed, “if you're moving and we're going to do this, I think we should see each other once in a while.” Then his smile softened and he reached up to caress Javon's jaw. “I might have given up and let myself crush on Digby for a while, but now that I know you feel the same, I can't just let you walk away. You could move to Mars and I'd still find a way to be with you as much as I can.”

  “But—” Javon bit his bottom lip, trying not to break out in a matching smile. As much as he'd dreamed of moments like this, it wasn't possible. It certainly wasn't logical. “You have exams and I'm...we're...moving about two hours away. I kind of figured,” he stopped, because he didn't know how to admit that he'd imagined his confession being their last goodbye.

  “No.” Tracy's brow crinkled into a frown and he placed his hand over Javon's mouth. “No more talking about this. I refuse to let a stupid job steal my best friend and completely destroy the only chance I'll ever have of being with you. So shut up and let's go watch the end of the film. As boyfriends.”

  His hand was clasped in long, gentle fingers, but Javon didn't fight it. He followed Tracy back to their spot in the park, in front of the projection screen, like a lost lamb. As long as Tracy was willing to try, Javon would meet him halfway. He certainly wasn't going to throw away his only chance to live out the one dream he'd ever had: spending his life with Tracy. It might not be forever, but it didn't have to be.

  He'd take anything he could get. And 'boyfriends' was a pretty good place to start.

  “No. Frickin'. Way.” Alvin laughed as he lay on his stomach in the grass, watching Kenichi lie beside him. Getting to know him – heck, anyone – on this level was pretty exciting and made him feel all warm and tingly inside. Which wasn't something he was used to. But he could. He could get real used to feeling like this.

  “Yup.” Kenichi gazed up at the sky, smiling to himself. “I'm the roustabout, so I do whatever is asked of me. I had on a cowboy hat and one of those red kerchief things around my neck when you came to the shooting stall this morning, and you walked past me as I was standing behind the tossing rings stall. I was wearing a black hoodie then. And I was the guy on the stilts outside the Tunnel of Fear for three hours,” he explained.

  Still shaking his head, Alvin tried to look back on those moments and reconcile this happy, smiling guy beside him being in all those places just when he was. And he hadn't noticed. “But how? I mean, why were you in so many places? Were you stalking me?” he asked, only half serious about that last part.

  His new friend laughed and turned his head to smile at him. “No to the last one. The first? I was covering for anyone going on a break. My dad's a rigging man. Since he's a writer, he likes to take up odd jobs that come along for the experience. He'll probably write about this in his next book,” he admitted, with all the pride for his father that should be there.

  Alvin liked knowing that Kenichi was supportive of his dad's creative instincts. His own father was less than pleased with Javon's talent for drawing. He could make incredible comic book pages and call them 'doodles' just because their dad had made it clear that they were to do more with their lives than 'arty stuff'.

  “Since it's the school holidays, he let me come with him this time. A little family adventure, while my mum is working nights,” Kenichi continued. “She can sleep all day, without us bugging her, and we get a once in a lifetime experience.”

  “How come you're in school when you're nineteen already?” Alvin asked, though he wasn't sure that was a great idea now the words were out of his mouth. Wasn't that drifting too closely to personal territory?

  Kenichi didn't seem to think so. The words rolled off his tongue naturally, with not one hint of hesitation. “My dad had a major health scare about two years ago. He was a pilot for a commercial company and, while returning with an empty plane for a private charter, he had a stroke and crashed. The combination of the stroke, which he took a year to recover from, and the crash that left him with some broken bones, stole his dreams. He was too scared to get back in a plane again, in case he had another stroke. So he became a writer,” he clarified, as though any of this were his business.

  Then a small smile crept onto his lips and he looked up to meet Alvin's astounded gaze. “I took a year and a half out of school to look after him. Because he wasn't working and, while the lawyers dealt with the internal investigation at work because of the crash, my mum had to keep working. That would have left my dad alone, so I left school for a while,” he said, no regret or resentment in his voice. “Onc
e Dad was better and decided to start writing, I went back to school. Now, we make more time to be together. Just in case.”

  With a deep sigh, Alvin turned onto his back and watched the afternoon drift into evening. “I know what you mean. My dad is kind of distant. He works in an office and hasn't spent any real time with us since we were kids,” he confessed, feeling that loss all the more now that he thought about it.

  In the end, wasn't it more honest to admit that his parents were the least emotional, loving people he'd ever known? Wasn't it true that he'd raised Javon single-handedly since the age of twelve?

  “I kind of miss them,” he whispered.

  He hadn't meant to say the words and didn't know he had until it was too late. Kenichi had already turned onto his side, placed a kiss on his cheek and slung an arm across his waist. “I'm sorry.” He rubbed his nose against Alvin's cheek in a ridiculously tender gesture that he found all too endearing.

  “I guess I never really stopped to think about it before now,” he said, deciding to go with it since he'd brought it up. “I mean, we haven't been a family in a long time. Javon turns to me for everything, even though we're only a year apart. I never wanted to be a parent; the responsibility is terrifying and I'm not sure I've got a paternal bone in my body. But I think I've been Javon's only parent for longer than I realised. And that's pretty sad,” he confessed.

  Kenichi hummed and kissed his cheek again. “Let me guess...you're afraid to be like your parents? That's why you shy away from relationships. You don't want to let people down the way they've let you down,” he guessed, his breath a soft flutter against his cheek.

  The words hit too close to home, so Alvin didn't reply. He just held Kenichi's arm around him and thanked God that they'd never see each other again after tonight. He couldn't deal with it. He wasn't sure he'd ever opened up to anyone on this level before and, as nice as it was, he also wasn't sure he could cope with someone knowing his secrets.